~~amended footnote: UP is back in our lives. YAY! Strictly in a friendship role and as mentor to the HBs. We're happy nonetheless~~
This is going to be a brief posting. Mom has the guys at the beach with her this week, for which I am going to pay BIG time! After the salt water taffy incident, which resulted in them being somewhat less than hairy, it seemed like an ingenious idea to set them adrift in a bottle. It probably would have worked had Mom not had a role of address labels in her pocketbook. Just as she was ready to toss the bottle into the ocean, she heard a *tap tap tap tap* on the bottle and looked to see four hairy butt moons in there, pointing to the return address labels they had secured to their Speedos. Figuring there was no point because some "kind" soul would probably end up shipping them back to her, she uncorked the bottle and they ran back to the house to begin happy hour...at 10am...the HBs, not mom. Well, after that disappointment, she probably did need a drink!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
August
~~footnote...there will be no more text messages between UP and the HBs, as he has chosen to no longer be a part of our lives. Mom has bravely stepped up to the plate and "adopted" the guys.~~
What an awesome drive home I had. Unbeknownst to Mom, I stashed the guys in PA and gave them a map to her house. It was so nice to hear nothing but the sound of the wind whipping through my hair and the music nice and loud. Nobody kicking my seat, no Speedos flying out of the window, no hairy gumdrops bouncing around in the backseat.
I guess they finally reappeared the beginning of the month, just in time for Mom to be housesitting for the neighbors...who just so happen to have a pool. One warm night, the guys decided they were too hot, so they started swinging around on Mom's ceiling fan. For reasons I can't comprehend, she decided to take them to the neighbor's pool...despite my tales of mayhem at the YMCA. They went crazy!!! They were running around, throwing their Speedos in the pool, getting them out, putting them on their head and running around the yard. With Speedos on their heads, they decided to put their goggles on what we call their "mussel muscle"...kind of hard to see that way, so needless to say, there were several incidences of tree collisions, falls into the pool and getting tangled in the fence. I'm still not sure what she was thinking.
The next night, she was making some zucchini bread and when she went to put it in the oven, received a fairly major shock. Four little hairy bastards were laying on the oven racks, as naked as jaybirds, getting warm. They told her they were cold and drying their Speedos.
What an awesome drive home I had. Unbeknownst to Mom, I stashed the guys in PA and gave them a map to her house. It was so nice to hear nothing but the sound of the wind whipping through my hair and the music nice and loud. Nobody kicking my seat, no Speedos flying out of the window, no hairy gumdrops bouncing around in the backseat.
I guess they finally reappeared the beginning of the month, just in time for Mom to be housesitting for the neighbors...who just so happen to have a pool. One warm night, the guys decided they were too hot, so they started swinging around on Mom's ceiling fan. For reasons I can't comprehend, she decided to take them to the neighbor's pool...despite my tales of mayhem at the YMCA. They went crazy!!! They were running around, throwing their Speedos in the pool, getting them out, putting them on their head and running around the yard. With Speedos on their heads, they decided to put their goggles on what we call their "mussel muscle"...kind of hard to see that way, so needless to say, there were several incidences of tree collisions, falls into the pool and getting tangled in the fence. I'm still not sure what she was thinking.
The next night, she was making some zucchini bread and when she went to put it in the oven, received a fairly major shock. Four little hairy bastards were laying on the oven racks, as naked as jaybirds, getting warm. They told her they were cold and drying their Speedos.
Homeward bound and back
Wow...it has taken me nearly a month to get over the trauma of driving the guys home to PA for my vacation. It all started with me nearly losing my voice before we got out of Shelby County (where we live). Five minutes into the ride, "Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet?" followed by a continuous pounding of little feet in the back of my seat. I was regretting the decision not to medicate them. A hundred dollars at the dollar store for activity pads, coloring books, stickers, etc. did nothing to amuse them. Apparently it was more fun to kick my seat, pull my hair, and clamber around in the back seat.
We finally made it to Denmark, TN, where I stopped for a bathroom break and some drinks. It was fast and largely uneventful except at the end when Derf plowed into the sliding doors because he wasn't paying attention...at least it took some of the wind out of his sails. They were relatively mild mannered until we stopped at Bojangle's in Nashville for the all time best fried chicken in the world. As I had been looking forward to this stop for several weeks, I was well aware of what I wanted to eat. Not so for them. "I want this, no I want that, oooh, I want what he's having, I'm not hungry!" Arrrrgggggggghhhh!!!! Forty dollars later I managed to cobble together a bunch of random menu items that my little connoiseurs seemed to approve. Fortunately it was enough to fill them up and put them to sleep since I hit bad weather shortly afterwards.
I decided to stop in Bristol, VA about one in the morning. As I was checking in, my car alarm started going off, the horn was honking incessantly and there was a banging on the windows. After tucking her eyes back into her head, the clerk informed me of the pet deposit. I assured her it would not be necessary, as I planned to lock them in the trunk overnight. She just kind of looked at me and took my money anyway. I guess she figured they could nail me in the morning if I had any "pets" in the room. Not to be though...mwahaha!
So, the next day dawned, and we continued our drive north, stopping again for, more Bojangle's. This time I made sure to put some Benadryl in their Bo-berry biscuits. What a great idea! That got me almost to Winchester, VA before they came out of their drug induced haze. It wasn't that bad until we hit West Virigina and the speed limit went back to 70. I cranked the music and opened the sunroof only to see a small pair of red Speedos hanging out about fifteen minutes later. The other 3 decided Derf could be easily persuaded to "fly" out of the sunroof. Fortunately he got snagged and I pulled him back inside and put him in the center console to prevent any further temptation. So we just kept on driving toward PA. When I called mom to let her know we were about 100 miles out, it started all over again. "Are we there yet? Where's Grandma? I'm tired! I have to pee! He's pushing me! No I'm not!" For a hundred miles. Driving down the street, the anticipation building, it was all I could do to keep them in the car. We pulled in the driveway and before I could set the parking brake, they were piling out, hellbent on terrorizing central PA. The rest of the time passed mostly in a blur of shopping, family visits, helping mom with yardwork, etc. Fast forward to August 2010....
We finally made it to Denmark, TN, where I stopped for a bathroom break and some drinks. It was fast and largely uneventful except at the end when Derf plowed into the sliding doors because he wasn't paying attention...at least it took some of the wind out of his sails. They were relatively mild mannered until we stopped at Bojangle's in Nashville for the all time best fried chicken in the world. As I had been looking forward to this stop for several weeks, I was well aware of what I wanted to eat. Not so for them. "I want this, no I want that, oooh, I want what he's having, I'm not hungry!" Arrrrgggggggghhhh!!!! Forty dollars later I managed to cobble together a bunch of random menu items that my little connoiseurs seemed to approve. Fortunately it was enough to fill them up and put them to sleep since I hit bad weather shortly afterwards.
I decided to stop in Bristol, VA about one in the morning. As I was checking in, my car alarm started going off, the horn was honking incessantly and there was a banging on the windows. After tucking her eyes back into her head, the clerk informed me of the pet deposit. I assured her it would not be necessary, as I planned to lock them in the trunk overnight. She just kind of looked at me and took my money anyway. I guess she figured they could nail me in the morning if I had any "pets" in the room. Not to be though...mwahaha!
So, the next day dawned, and we continued our drive north, stopping again for, more Bojangle's. This time I made sure to put some Benadryl in their Bo-berry biscuits. What a great idea! That got me almost to Winchester, VA before they came out of their drug induced haze. It wasn't that bad until we hit West Virigina and the speed limit went back to 70. I cranked the music and opened the sunroof only to see a small pair of red Speedos hanging out about fifteen minutes later. The other 3 decided Derf could be easily persuaded to "fly" out of the sunroof. Fortunately he got snagged and I pulled him back inside and put him in the center console to prevent any further temptation. So we just kept on driving toward PA. When I called mom to let her know we were about 100 miles out, it started all over again. "Are we there yet? Where's Grandma? I'm tired! I have to pee! He's pushing me! No I'm not!" For a hundred miles. Driving down the street, the anticipation building, it was all I could do to keep them in the car. We pulled in the driveway and before I could set the parking brake, they were piling out, hellbent on terrorizing central PA. The rest of the time passed mostly in a blur of shopping, family visits, helping mom with yardwork, etc. Fast forward to August 2010....
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