Here comes fall, now what?

Well, with the advent of cooler weather in PA, Mom has begun asking what the guys wear in the fall. I told her I wasn't too sure, since I only ever see them in their Speedos...year round. As far as I know, in the winter they wear Speedos with boots, socks, and scarves...oh, and ear muffs! Or ear puffs as my sister calls them. I told her she would have to take them to Goodwill and get them some long pants and long sleeved shirts. I can't wait to hear how that goes! It's enough to get them into the Speedos, I can't imagine actually taking them clothing shopping. Better she than me is all I can say!

So over the weekend, her neighbor's son was cutting their grass and apparently they had nothing but vodka shooters for breakfast. As he was mowing, they were running back and forth in front of the mower, hopping off and on, and coming damn close to getting run over. He dragged one of them over, kicking and screaming, and asked Mom if they belonged to her. She said no, but then the little bugger launched himself at her screaming, "Grandmaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" She had no option but to admit defeat. She managed , to capture the rest of them in a coffee can and slammed the lid on TIGHT!

She kept them in the garage for a bit, until she heard the tell tale sounds of havoc being wreaked. She made them beds in the garage, gave them a bowl of vodka and a jar in which to pee. She made them headbands to hold their Troy Polamalu-esque hair in place, but the little bastards used them as jock straps! Over top of the Speedos, of course. All was well for a bit while they lapped up the vodka, so she went back inside to finish making homemade tomato sauce. I guess she was in a hurry and didn't lock the garage door, because Derf came crashing in, ran through the kitchen, and instead of jumping into her arms, overshot and landed in the pot of tomato sauce. It was kind of like a lobster in a pot of boiling water. He was scratching and scraping and couldn't get out, and she was so mad, she let him in there for a minute. Of course, upon hearing his screams, the others came running inside, drunk, hooting and hollering, crashing around in the living room, running into the china cabinet, waving their hands over the heads and yelling. Tomato sauce everywhere!

As revenge for destroying the house, she threw them all in the washing machine, and then into the dryer...without dryer sheets. All she heard was, "thump thump OUCH, thump thump OUCH, thump thump ARGH!" Between the heavy duty spin cycle and the vodka, they came out ten kinds of loopy, falling all over the house.