Wow, I'm not even sure where to start. The guys have been on an unholy rampage lately!!! I guess their first adventure started during the South Carolina-Alabama football game. Mom made the mistake of letting them inside so they could watch the game while she was at work. She called them and heard a ruckus...yelling, screaming, cheering, TV turned up as loud as could be. She even bought them visors like the Head Ball Coach wears...ostensibly to keep back their hair, but they took to copying the Coach and throwing them around during penalties and bad plays. I can't believe nobody has lost an eye...YET! She talked to Derf, her little buddy, and he was trying to calm her nerves as the ice was clunking into the highball glasses. By the time she got home, they were so WASTED! There was a foot of garnet and black confetti throughout the house and they were ten sheets to the wind!
It took them about five days to recover from their hangover, but by then, they were more than happy to go outside and play in the rain all day...sans Speedos, of course. They rediscovered the peroxide and put more streaks into their hair and braided it into corn rows. Oh, I must add that after their football induced debauchery, Mom ended up having to handcuff the 3 of them together. She put their arms behind their backs, and linked the cuffs, so one couldn't go anywhere without dragging the other 3 along. Derf, being Mom's fave little guy, remained out of cuffs due to his broken leg that happened during their celebration of Mom's birthday. They got back into the booze Mom thought she had hidden so well. TOTALLY blotto!!!! They stole Derf's crutch and used it to prop up one of her plants that was listing. Derf was soooooo upset, of course he went running to Grandma! The other immediately ended up back in handcuffs. I told her not to be such a sucker, he was just using her to gain access to the booze, but she said she felt sorry for him because of his leg. I told her if he hadn't been so wasted, he wouldn't have fallen off the counter while trying to pee in the kitchen sink.
They were still in cuffs as of 16 October, and watching the South Carolina-Kentucky football game. Derf was laying back on the sofa with his leg elevated, courtesy of Mom, sipping on a vodka on the rocks while the other 3 sat on the floor drinking Gatorade and wearing their visors. Not only were they mad at Mom, but the visors were flying left and right thanks to SC's crappy performance. If they threw them one time, they threw them a hundred times. Of course, everytime they did that, they had to get up as a unit and go fetch them. Needless to say they were kind of miffed at Mom. They were literally begging her, on their stubby little legs to uncuff them and give them booze. She didn't.
Soooooo.....Mom went to our cousin Tom's house to help him make sub sandwiches for his Leukemia Society fundraiser. She didn't take the guys with her on purpose, but somehow they managed to sneak into her car. Fortunately, they are invisible to everyone except us. That doesn't mean there was no monster induced mayhem though. As they had the sub assembly line set up, the guys were alternately rolling up pieces of meat and cheese and flinging onions all over the place. They put Derf in a hoagie roll and covered him with condiments then fell off the counter laughing. He couldn't move due to the broken leg until Mom rescued him and rinsed him off. So during a break, Mom and my aunt Jeanne, who is in her 80's, were sitting outside, and Jeanne asked Mom if she heard singing. Mom looked at her with a blank stare and said , "No, of course not, it must be the wind." I'm surprised she didn't gnaw off her tongue biting it. She had stopped at a greenhouse and bought a few mums to take home. The guys dragged them out of her car, set them in the driveway and were singing "Ring Around the Rosey"....loudly! Jeanne kept insisting that she heard singing and Mom tried to convince her otherwise.
Tom ended up having to make several runs to the grocery store for more provisions. He has a pick up truck with an open bed, perfect for HBs in search of adventure, right? Well, Tom's driveway is at a very steep angle, so when he was parked there, they would clamber up to the top, slide down the bed and hit the tailgate, then do it all over again. All the while laughing like the maniacal bastards they are. They even put Derf in there, with his broken leg, and shoved him downward. That time though, they didn't close the tailgate. He slid straight out the back, hit the driveway rolling, across the street and into the field on the other side. Mom had to wait until Jeanne went to the bathroom to walk across the street and pick him up. She promptly locked the other 3 in the trunk and handcuffed them together. When Tom ran to the store, the guys shanghai-ed a ride. They came back totally windblown and invigorated. They just thought that was the best thing ever. Tom kept commenting on a funny noise he heard in the truck and that maybe he should take it to the shop. Mom just smiled sweetly and said, "No, it must have just been the wind...or something."
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